Plumbing Lesson Three

I have a story and a tirade. We'll start with this: When in the hell did it become OK for step-by-step instructions to come with just illustrations? This is becoming more and more prevalent. I'm opposed.

I had to replace the kitchen faucet, and while it's not too hard to figure out what to do, the instruction sheet looked like this: A whole bunch of letters, numbers and arrows, but no expository writing.



And in the words of Jules:

I know this instruction sheet is meant to appeal to a range of people, who are replacing their faucets in China, Sweden, Czech Republic and the United States and that printing directions in an assortment of languages would be expensive, but come on! Couldn't you at least put a well-worded step-by-step list in each language in a place where everyone on the planet could access it, like, I don't know, the WORLDWIDE Web? Please?

OK, so on to the story.

Plumbing Lesson #3: Know Your Holes
(Check out Plumbing Lessons One and Two.)

A few weeks ago, I was in my car, and the gearshifter popped off in my hand. I rigged it back together, but I could see smoke coming from the steering column, so I took my car to the mechanic. I didn't get to count that as a D-I-Y victory.

A few days ago, though, the kitchen faucet handle popped off in my husband's hand. He knew I'd be delighted to fix it.

"I'm getting a Moen!" I said. Am I a sucker for their commercials? Yes.

On to the hardware store. Lots of faucets there.

Before you pick one, you have to know how many faucet holes you have in the sink. It might not be obvious. Go under the sink, look up and see how many there are. It's probably one, two, three or four. You'll need this information when you go shopping. You can cover extra holes, but you can't drill new holes, so you don't want to buy a three-hole setup if you only have room for one. I have four; the fourth is a soap dispenser.

I wanted a faucet with a spray nozzle, and those range from about $100 to $300 or more. Despite my predisposition for Moen, I seriously considered a Delta faucet as well. Both of 'em looked about the same, and Delta also has an excellent commercial. But I grabbed the $148 Moen faucet, and headed to the checkout.

At home, I removed the old faucet without too much trouble. Cleaned the gunk from underneath. Popped the new faucet in place. I was delighted to discover that Moen had even included a special tool (Part L) that I would need to tighten Part H onto Part G. (I know they have real names in the plumbing world, but that's what the instruction sheet calls them.)

Then it went from Moen to moan. I went to attach the water-supply hoses to the water-supply line under the sink . . . and they didn't fit. I needed some kind of adapter. My excitement was waning. It was going so smooth! Until then. I was feeling awesome! Until then. I didn’t have to call my dad. Until then. He said, "It happens to the best of us."

I went back to the hardware store the next day (with my old plumbing parts in hand to match up the sizes) and found a 1/2" X 3/8" compression adapter. I needed two, and they were $4 each. It's not the cost that bugged me. It's the fact that I need to go back to the store. Too bad there was no indication on the box or directions that some homes would need an adapter. This is a lesson learned. When you do a project, it helps to bring your old parts to the store with you so you can get everything you need at once.

Back to the sink. Look, I fixed it!

I'm also the one who hemmed the curtains. Which are uneven.